She's changed her mind...

Discussion in 'Divorce FAQ - Frequently Asked Question' started by Mark Keenan, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. Mark Keenan

    Mark Keenan Administrator Staff Member

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    Thank you for your comments Brian.
    Editor
     
  2. Mark Keenan

    Mark Keenan Administrator Staff Member

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    To read the diaries go to Divorce Diaries in the community menu on the left and you will get a folder like this one. Choose Public tab and you will find his diary in there.
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  3. alogic

    alogic New Member

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    As a starting remark, it strikes me that she has obviously lied to you and has been lying to you since (before?) the start, so little reason to start to take her word for anything now, is there?

    Some people are like that... men and women.

    If it were me... I would do nothing until I had the results of the paternity tests, then... if any of the children were not mine, I would make damn sure that everyone who ever put pressure on me to marry her knew the results of these tests and knew the impact that they have had on me.

    Having a partner that treats me with no respect is no good for my own feeling of self worth and there is no way that I want to live like that. So the next move has to be to seek professional advice as to the situation. I have posted details of my own very good solicitor here before (www.dterry.demon.co.uk) if you need one who comes with a recommendation as not just another form-filler lazy slob of a so-called "solicitor".

    As to anything else. Just remember that if you act like a doormat then you will be treated like one. Take control of the situation but do it only after you have taken decent advice.

    Don't feel that you are alone. Many men are treated like a pile of cr*p by their women and just don't deserve it - actually nobody deserves to be treated badly, men or women.

    Read my "divorce diary" and see the kind of stuff I have been through. At least I CAN tell you that there is life after divorce...

    Good luck.

    Brian.
     
  4. alogic

    alogic New Member

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    Sallie,

    Thanks for pointing out where the diaries are. I hope Graham finds them and gets help from reading them.

    One of the things with these diaries is that we tend to bare our souls in them - I know I do - so they are not all good news, there is a terrifying mix of good and bad stuff too.

    I for one have found it a great help to say the things I really feel deep down. Also anyone can read it and have the chance to reply to me via email, which several have done. It's also been a great help to me to have those comments too. They all come with a great deal of meaning behind them as the people who make them have been there and "worn the tee shirt" so to speak.

    I might not always agree with what's said, but then that's also one of the benefits of a site like this; that you get a variety of views.

    Consider this a pat on the back to the site owners and operators.

    Brian.
     
  5. communitysallie

    communitysallie New Member

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    Graham,
    You can find the diaries under Community Features and look for Divorce Diaries. If you then look at public diaries, you will find Brian's and whole host of others that may help in your quest for information and advice.

    Hope it's valuable reading
     
  6. communitysallie

    communitysallie New Member

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    Firstly, it appears that your wife may have used you as a means to security for herself and her/your(?) children. I cannot understand why families choose to push their children(in the name of religion) in a direction that they would not necessarily have chosen to take and to bring pressure to bear. How many times has this happened and the relationship not worked? And to what cost? I think it's time for this pressure to stop and time to let people make their own decisions and mistakes.


    I assume that you have not yet received the results from the DNA tests. I think it will be a very difficult time for you when they do arrive. If the children are yours then it's peace of mind that you know for sure but all it does is reinforce the fact that your wife must have been having affairs otherwise why the DNA tests? If the children are not yours then perhaps someone else should be providing financial assistance. I think the most important thing is that, whatever the result, the relationship between you and the children does not change. They know only you as their 'father' and to find out that you may not be would be very distressing for them all.

    Sadly, I think this also shows that couples who get back together and choose to have a child to bring them closer together - do not always get the result that they hoped for.

    I wish you well
     
  7. qgrahamer

    qgrahamer New Member

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    <FONT size=3><FONT size=2>I have, or should I say there is a possibility of me having three boys. The story goes like this, I was in a bad marriage from the start, I had so much pressure to marry the girl I was seeing as she fell pregnant when I was supposed to have been seeing her. The fact of the matter was I hadn’t seen her for about six weeks prior to her telling me she was pregnant. We both come from church backgrounds, so the pressure was on, not only from our parents but also the church and the church leaders. We got married and our son Nicholas came along. Two years passed and I was so low in the relationship I reached out to another for comfort and I had an affair. After about 3 to 4 weeks we tried to reconcile the marriage and we got back together, this was on the agreement that we had another child (her terms not mine) so about 8 months went by and our second son was born, Charlie. Things calmed down for a while and we really seemed to be getting on better another three years and we tried for our third. Now it was during this time I first learnt that our eldest child might not be biologically mine. The pregnancy she was going through had a few complications; our blood groups were not compatible. Why this didn’t come to light before, I don’t know. Again things between us were far from good; in fact they were very rotten. I was asked to leave the house and I reclaimed my clothes from the front garden where she had thrown them. As time went by I sought legal advice and started Divorce proceedings, the paternity of the two eldest boys now came into question. After having a rough time in court, Dealings with Social Services, Court welfare officers and anyone else she could think of to pull me down further. She decided that I was not aloud to see the children or even have indirect contact with them, until I went for a D.N.A. test. This I did, sent of the relevant forms and played by her rules, (I only wanted to find out for sure). She was so adamant that I should not have any access or contact with them. Now after a lot of solicitor’s letters (and little response from her) She is declaring that I may have contact if I say to the C.S.A. that all three children are mine. She was so keen for me not to have access and for me to go for a D.N.A. test that this last statement from her comes as a bit of a shock. I am sad that it looks more likely that she had deceived me into Marriage from the outset, but worst still for the constant lies she has given me, the children and the whole family, (hers and mine). I want to get my decree absolute, I have my Nisi, but the judge has said he is not happy with the provisions for the boys, I have done everything I can to keep in contact, but she is making more difficult for me each day. If anyone has any help they can give me on this or if you have been in a similar situation please respond. Thank you for taking your time to read this long and troubled letter. </FONT></FONT>
     
  8. Jayne

    Jayne New Member

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    Thanks Brian for your reply, would like to read your diary but can't find it, where do I look or go to .
    Thanks again.
    Graham.
     
  9. Jayne

    Jayne New Member

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  10. Jayne

    Jayne New Member

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    Thanks for replying to my story, would like to read your divorce diary but can't find it, where do I look or go to.
    Graham
     
  11. Jayne

    Jayne New Member

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    Thanks for replying to my storie, would like to read your divorce diary but can't find it, where do I look or go to.
    Graham
     
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