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Co-parenting Advice – Dealing with Children After Divorce

Going through a divorce or separation is never easy, especially when children are involved.

Co-parenting meaning both parents play an active role in their children’s lives is by far the best way to make certain that all their needs are met.

The future welfare of your children is of course paramount, and so the first thought for most parents is often what will happen to our children and what will enable them to retain close relationships with both parents.

The aim of this co-parenting advice article is to supply you with information to make informed decisions about dealing with children after divorce or separation.

Custody of Children – Divorce Parents & Child Arrangements

When it comes to the custody of children arrangements, as both divorce parents have parental responsibility for any children, both have equal rights. This is regardless of where the children live, and with whom.

It is understandably in the interests of the children that the child arrangement orders are agreed without too much stress, and with the needs of the children being the key issue.

When two parents separate this is stressful enough, and the transition for the children needs to be as relaxed as possible – Shared Parenting Agreements are for parents who have separated and have reached agreement for the care of their children and wish to have the parenting plan in writing.

Living Arrangements

Main things to consider regarding living arrangements is the distance to the school as children will be more settled remaining in the former matrimonial home, close to their friends, however painful this may be for either parent.

If you and your spouse cannot agree on living arrangements for your children then one of you may need to apply to the court during the divorce proceedings for a Residence Order, as the court will have to decide on the issue.

The court might also make a Contact Order, which states how often the non-resident parent should see the children.

Managing divorce and divorce effects on children

Depending on the circumstances surrounding your divorce, deciding how and when you will tell your children is an issue for many parents. Your children may already be aware that you and your spouse are not getting on and may even welcome the idea that their parents will no longer be living under the same roof.

However, some children may not be aware of any issues between their parents, and the mention of divorce can, therefore, come as a big shock to them.

Regardless of whether they are relieved or not, the divorce effects on children can be just as painful for them as it is for the divorcing parents. It’s important therefore that both you and your partner, despite your personal feelings towards one another, take the right steps to ensure your children are guided through the divorce process properly.

There is no right or wrong way to tell your children that you are divorcing, and unfortunately, there is no easy way either. How and when you decide to tell them is down to several factors.

Is there a worst age for divorce for children?

You should take age, maturity, and the family dynamics within the household, as well as your own preferences into consideration when deciding how to break the news to them. However, it’s Important that the circumstances surrounding your divorce, whether amicable or not, should never be revealed to your children.

Furthermore, if any conflicts have been kept discreet the children may not have even thought of the possibility of their parents not being together. Essentially, this could upset the children even more, with the notion being such a shock to them.

But on the other hand, if the home environment has been rife with tension and conflict, they may accept the idea much easier than children who have been completely protected from any ill-feeling.

Either way, it is imperative that you support them and answer their questions, remember they too are going through the divorce with you and your partner.

Divorce parenting do’s and don’ts

  • The reason for divorce, whatever it may be, does not take away a parent’s right to have a relationship with their child
  • It is never going to be acceptable to involve your children in any dispute you are having with your spouse
  • Making degrading comments or presenting information in a negative light will no doubt affect the relationship the children have with the other parent
  • Don’t make your fight their fight too; it will hurt them and the relationships with both you and their other parent in the long run

What is the statement of arrangements used for and is it important?

The Statement of Arrangements is considered for the children and whether future arrangements for their care are agreed by both parties.

If there is no dispute, the Judge will usually certify that he is satisfied with the proposed arrangements and that he does not need to make any formal order.

If the judge is concerned about the suggested arrangements for the children, he or she may require further information to be provided or may ask the parties to attend an informal appointment to understand and explore any areas of concern.

Can children’s arrangements be included in a consent order?

Child maintenance payments can be covered in a legally binding financial order, such as a consent order.

However, the living arrangements for your children aren’t included in financial orders, they are covered in what is known as a ‘Child Arrangement Order’.

How does a divorce work with children?

The divorce process is the same for everyone regardless of whether you have children or not. However, your financial settlement and living arrangements may alter due to prioritizing the needs of your children.

Protecting Maintenance Payments

If you will be relying on maintenance payments, did you know that there is insurance available which will protect this vital income from the death or critical illness of the payee?

We can introduce you to Future Proof Insurance, an award-winning (winner of the Cover excellence award for Best customer service) firm providing high-quality expert protection advice including ‘life of another’ policies that cover the person who pays the maintenance. If they should die, the amount of maintenance will continue to be paid monthly.

Your families’ lifestyle/ financial security will remain unaffected. The length of the policy can be set up until the date that the maintenance agreement ends and can be cancelled without penalty if the circumstances legally change. For example, the receiver was to remarry.

The person who pays the maintenance must give their permission and the premiums would be paid by the person who receives the maintenance.

This policy also works on the behalf of the person paying the maintenance. They can set up a life of another insurance policy with the ex-partners permission which could help to pay for a nanny /cleaner/ carer / or taxi service to take the children to school in the event of their early death.

These options may be vital allowing the main income earner to carry on working to bring in an income even in a reduced hours capacity. Or, to give some breathing space so that the children can be taken care of. They may be grieving and need the parent to be there full time whilst the remaining parent takes a sabbatical.

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    Child maintenance payments following a separation or divorce

    After a divorce or separation, the party with the highest income can make divorce child maintenance payments or ‘periodical payments’ to the lower/non-earning partner.

    These payments can continue for life; not like other financial settlements, so it’s an ongoing liability.

    There are three main factors you may wish to think about when considering divorce child maintenance:

    1. Should you be paying/receiving maintenance?
    2. How long should it go on for?
    3. How much should the maintenance be?

    Should you be paying or receiving child maintenance?

    This is completely dependent on the circumstances; if both parties are in employment, you have no children and the marriage was a fairly short marriage, maintenance is probably not suitable.

    In these circumstances, a clean break order would be the best way to financially separate yourselves as you can do so without an order for maintenance.

    A consent order is also a good idea should you wish to transfer ownership of joint property, or if you will not be able to commit to paying a monthly maintenance payment.

    Should one party have a high income and the other a low one and is caring for young children, divorce child maintenance may be appropriate in order for them to sustain a fair standard of living.

    This can also be declared and recorded within a consent order should you wish to ensure that no party can claim on the other outside of the terms of the order.

    Have your entire divorce handled for you by divorce experts whilst being kept up-to-date on your case throughout. This service will give you peace of mind at a difficult time and help save you over £750 on the cost of your divorce.

    How long should maintenance for children last?

    Again, this is dependent on the circumstances.

    You may agree that the maintenance for children payments should stop when they have grown up, or when the party in receipt of the maintenance is able to go back into the job market after training etc.

    If the mother of your children has not worked since they were born, it would be appropriate to pay maintenance for a period of time until she is able to start work again.

    Should you have a higher standard of living, you should also consider a compensation payment should there be a big difference between her previous lifestyle and her projected future standard of living.

    If you have a large private pension fund that you want to share with your spouse, this could also be relevant in helping you decide how long you want the maintenance to go on for.

    Maintenance Orders (when the maintenance payment has become a legal obligation through a consent order) will stop if the person receiving the maintenance remarries and cohabits with someone for a period of at least 6 months, or if they die.

    How much should the maintenance be?

    Depending on your income, both parties will generally have to change their lifestyle to better suit their new circumstances, regardless of whether you receive maintenance or you pay it.

    Purchasing or furnishing a new home and being responsible for your own bills etc, is a strain on finances, and therefore the standard of living for the both of you will probably have to change in order to adapt to your new life comfortably.

    Therefore, if you receive any state benefit, you should think about how maintenance payments will affect them; for example, your amount of benefit could decrease or stop altogether should the payments you receive from your spouse provide you with a sufficient income.

    The best thing to do would be to sit down and work out your respective income versus your outgoings and compare to determine how much maintenance would be appropriate, if at all.