Seven things you should never say in a divorce

15 January 2026 | Swindon, UK

When a relationship ends, emotions run high. Anger, grief, fear and resentment are completely normal. But after more than 25 years working in family law, I have seen one thing over and over again: the words you choose during a divorce often decide how expensive, hostile and prolonged it becomes.

What feels satisfying in the moment can cost you thousands of pounds later.

1. “You’ll never see the children again”

This is the fastest way to turn an amicable separation into a legal war. Threats about children immediately raise safeguarding concerns. Solicitors have to act. Courts get involved. What could have been agreed calmly becomes a formal dispute over contact and parental responsibility.

Even if said in anger, it changes the entire legal tone of the case.

2. “I deserve everything”

Divorce law is not about punishment or reward. It is about fairness, future needs and contributions. Starting negotiations from a position of entitlement signals that compromise is not possible.

The longer people hold onto this mindset, the more expensive the divorce becomes.

3. “I’ll make you pay”

Judges do not like vindictiveness. When someone frames their case as revenge, it often backfires. Courts look at behaviour, cooperation and reasonableness when deciding outcomes — especially on costs.

Threats of punishment almost always lead to worse financial results for the person making them.

4. “My lawyer says I’m entitled to…”

This phrase is usually misunderstood — and almost always inflammatory. Legal advice is nuanced and depends on full financial disclosure, children’s needs, housing, income and other factors. When people use selective snippets of advice as weapons, it turns a discussion into a standoff.

It makes settlement harder, not easier.

5. “You were a terrible partner”

You might feel this deeply, but family courts do not decide cases on who was the better spouse. This language only increases emotional conflict, making it harder to reach sensible agreements on children, money and housing.

In divorce, blame rarely helps — but it often costs.

6. “I’ve hidden assets you’ll never find”

This is not just destructive — it can be legally dangerous. Everyone going through a divorce must give full and honest financial disclosure. Deliberately hiding assets can lead to penalties, adverse court orders and settlements being reopened later.

What might feel clever in the moment can become very expensive.

7. “Let’s let the judge decide everything”

This is the most costly sentence of all. Handing decisions over to the court means higher legal fees, longer delays, and less control over the outcome. A judge does not know your family and must decide based on law, not personal history.

The more you leave to the court, the less influence you have over your own future.

Why this matters more than people realise

In 2023, the Family Court processed 110,770 divorce applications in England and Wales. 76% were sole applications, not joint ones — showing how many couples still struggle to cooperate.

Contested divorces routinely cost £10,000–£15,000 per person, and sometimes far more. Cooperative divorces, where people communicate sensibly, often cost a fraction of that.

The difference is rarely the size of the assets. It is usually the tone of the conversation.

What to say instead

The goal of divorce is not to win — it is to move on.

• “I want us to find the best arrangement for the children.”
• “Let’s work out something fair for both of us.”
• “I want this sorted so we can both move forward.”

These phrases keep discussions focused on solutions rather than conflict.

Final thought

The way people speak to each other during divorce often shapes their relationship for years afterwards — especially when children are involved. You can’t control how your ex behaves, but you can control your own words — and those words can save you time, money and emotional damage.

If you’re going through a separation and want to protect yourself financially, the most important thing you can do is keep the process calm, structured and legally secure.

Mark Keenan
Founder & CEO, Divorce-Online