Ask the Experts

Contact orders

Answered by: Kate Covell, Lawyer
Q.	my partner has moved with me to the midlands, her ex after a long period of no contact or payment of maintainance has demanded to see his daughter but will not collect her and is reqoesting he is met over half way, we have a small child of 6 weeks and he is insisting he will not collect his daughter, would a court rule my partner would have to drop her daughter off, her partner is unreliable and has not supported his daughter properly for years
A.	Her ex will have to make an application to either the Family Proceedings Court or the County Court in the area in which the child resides with you and your partner for contact under s.8 of the Children Act. When considering an application for contact the Court looks at the welfare checklist but Court do take the view that it is in most children's interests to have contact with their absent parent. It has nothing to do with how much support has been paid over the years. If mediation is unsuccessful (where you both talk to an independent mediator to see if an agreement can be reached) and he issues an application for contact it is likely that contact would be ordered but usually initially at a contact centre in the vicinity of the child's home, eventually leading to visiting and ultimately staying contact away at the absent parent's home. As far as travelling is concerned, if he is comitted then there should be no problem in him travelling to the Midlands to see the child. She could make an appointment to see a Solicitor but she ought to chose one on the Law Society's Children Panel (a local one can be found on the Law Society's web site).
Answered by: Kate Covell, Lawyer
Q.	my partner has left our home leaving me with the baby then she made a story up to the social services then i had 4 police officesrs and a social worker take my son from me now the social services say to my solicitor they were haappy for meto have my son of 1 years old what hve they done wrong in law and can i force my partner to return my son to the home i feel he is suffering as she has no money has been texing me about the child should be at home i have told her to bring him back she has been away now for 4 days after being violent to me i am exsteemly worried about my son she has only been given the bare essential a few clothes for him and one bottle i am told i can go for a proabition order can you tell me what other steps i can take by legal action and that would include having the police involved in his teturn she has acted so irresponsible thaank you troy
A.	Troy It sounds as if you need to speak to the Social Worker (who will be acting in the best interests of your son) as a matter of urgency to update them as to what is going on. Unfortunately Social Workers are human and in the light of recent cases they have to take allegations of neglect extremely seriously, even if they are untrue. If Social Services think the Police need to exercise protection to get your son back to you then that is what will happen and they will inform the Police. The Police can use their powers and remove your son for a period of 72 hours and then Social Services can apply to the Court for an Emergency Protection Order to ensure your son remains with you. Alternatively Social Services may issue an application for a Care Order and obtain an Interim Care Order to ensure they share parental responsibility with yourself and your partner. You do not have parental responsibility for your son unless either you are married to your partner or you are on the baby’s birth certificate and he was born after the 1st December 2003. If they obtain an Interim Care Order this does not necessarily mean that your son would be removed from you until full investigations have been carried out but things seem to move along a lot more quickly. You must get the matter before the Court, either by way of Social Services taking the lead or else by issuing an urgent application for a Residence Order for your son yourself. You can also apply to the Court for an Emergency Protection Order if necessary. Your Solicitor should be able to advise you about this and get an urgent Court Hearing. Kate
Answered by: Hilary Bowles, Solicitor, Fullagarbrooks
Q.	MY EXWIFE AND DO NOT HAVE A CUSTODY AGREEMENT. SHE REACENTLY MOVED AWAY WITH MY 10 YEAR OLD SON AND AS I DO NOT DRIVE I CAN NOT GET TO PICK HIM UP. SHE REPILED SIMPLY WITH IF YOU CANT GET HIM YOU CANT HAVE HIM . NOW I HAVE OFFERD HER P[AYMENT FOR HER PETROL BUT SHE THE SAME WE ARE DEVORSED SHE IS MARRIED WITH 3 KIDS I MYSELF HAVE A NEW CHILD PLEASE CAN YOU LET ME KNOW HOW I STAND LEGALY
A.	Martin If you apply to the court for an order for contact and include in that application a request for an order that she be responsible for drop off and cllect in return for payment, this is something the court can make an order for and I have dealt with cases in the past like this. You will need to see a Solicitor to get the application before the court.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	i would like to know how easy is it to obtain a contact order? Also how easy is it to appeal against one. thank-you
A.	In order to obtain a contact order, you need to apply on the correct form to your local county court where the child is residing. I cannot say how easy it is to obtain, it depends on the circumstances of the case. Appealing against any order is difficult as you have to show that the court were wrong in law to make an order. If they followed the law when making the order then the order will stand regardless of the result.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	the father of my six year old son wants to take my son to london. i have refused. he says that he has the right to collect him 'cos he has parental responsibility. Apart from smashing my front door, contact will take place 'over my dead body'. can i get a court order to stop him either coming to my house or the shcool?
A.	As you both have PR you have no right to stop him taking his son. However you can prevent contact by refusing to hand him over or allowing him in the property etc. If he does not agree with this the only way he can ensure contact is to apply to the court for a contact order. If he harrasses you at your home you can apply for an order under the Protection from Harrasment Act. However please remember that contact with his father is the right of the child as he is not your son he has two parents, regardless of what you think of his father as a person. Unless you can show that he would be hurt or there would be danger by seeing his father, it is unlikely a court would prevent contact.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	having seperated from wife we made arrangements for me to see my daughter ,however she has gone back on thers arrangements,what rights do i have as i farther
A.	Neil Any rights you have have to be enforced under the law (Children Act). To enforce your child's right to see you, you will have to apply for a contact order to the local county court. In most cases a contact order will be made as it is generally considered to be in the child's best interests to do so. We can deal with this for you with our Children Act package which costs £90.00 (fixed fee). We draft all the paperowrk you need to file the application and will then guide you through. Most cases are settled at court on the first hearing when the mother has been put before a Judge or a Cafcass officer (Court Welfare). The link to this service is http://www.divorce-online.co.uk/services/legalcentre/childactlp.htm
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My husbands has sole residence of his 2 children who live with us, CAFCASS did a report that any direct contact with their mother would be ahrmful and she was awarded an indirect contact order to include e-mails, letters etc and also to hanmd the passports over to my husband by 4pm on 8.5.04, she has written to the children saying she cannot find them and she has checked with school and they have no trips planned so they cannot have them, we will not pay deposits on trips until we have the passports. She has said she will let the children have a crime refernce number so he can apply for new ones but apparently she needs to declare to the passport agency they are lost, we do not believe she should be discussing this with the kids via e-mail and now she has blocked them from replying. Can we apply to the courts for and enforcement order and costs as she is obviously messing around.Can we piggy back the application on the back of the order made 2 weeks ago as we do not really want to have to be paying application court costs again. Help appreciated. Thanks
A.	Yes, you can make a fresh application on Form C2 for an order within the proceedings that she do write to the passport agency within 7 days and that she be ordered to pay the costs of the application which will be £90.00
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	Hello, i separated from my husband nearly three years ago. We have a son of four years old. I left due to violence and constant verbal abuse. The question i would like to ask is, as of yet we have not divorced and have an arrangement that our son visits his father at his grandmothers every weekend. I am constantly being bullied by my ex-mother in law, and i wish to do somethimg about it. I don't know how to resolve the situation? Legally i can't stop my son from going over to their home, but i know that they are trying to turn him against me, my partner and his baby brother what can i do, as he has been violent in the pas towards me, and his mother is a very sly person?
A.	Helen You can apply to the court for a contact order, this will allow the issues to come out and for the court to look at the situation and hopefully come up with a compromise so that he has some structure to hs contact with her. The other alternative is to issue divorce proceedings and the within the proceedings you can state in the arrangements for children what you want to happen as far as contact is concerned. You can still divorce him for unreasonable behaviour if your ex is still behaving badly towards you.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My husband obtained a sole residence order fro his 2 children 2 years ago, contact with their mother has been sporadic but broke down totally 12 months ago, we had to change their e-mail addresses and mobile numbers etc as the abuse they got from her was horrendous. She has never paid anything towards the children and now after all this time the CSA have been able to do an assessment on her and are due to start a deduction from earnings order from her salary next month. On the day she received this news she applied to the court via a C2 ON 12.12.03 and was given a stamped direction appontment on 15.12.03 for 13.1.04, this we recieived by recorded delivery on 10.1.03, yesterday, i have written to the court manager saying that as we had such little notice that we could not make it, it only gives us a day to sort out working arrangements etc. I have asked that they reschedule it, i am awaiting their reply. The children are still adamant they do not want anycontact with her, they have had a couple of e-mails when we set their old addresses up over christmas, they did get cards this yr from her which they had not done last yr so replied with a thank you. They wrote to her a couple of time a few months ago asking for their passports and received no reply, this is assume is something we can ask for at the directions hearing am i right? The kdis are 12 & 13 and know their own mind, long story but social services were involved with them when they lived with her and we do not know the way to go forward. She already has a defined contact order from 2 years aga which the kids will not adhere too, so why ask for another one? Am i right in thinking they will order court welfare to get involved? The kids can see her as much as they want too but at the moment refuse too...HELP????
A.	I would not worry too much. From the facts you give it is likely that no order will be made in this case. There will be a Cafcass report to determine the children's wishes and whether it would be in their best interests, but from what you say it is doubtfull they will want to force the children who are now young adults to see their mother if they do not want to.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have been seperated now for over 2 years, my Ex wants to see my flat before she allows me to see my daughter, where do i stand on this?
A.	That is ridiculous, and there is no legal basis for her stopping you seeing your daughter. I suggest you issue proceedings in the county court for a contact order as soon as possible, so you can get on and get some stability in your daughters life.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	1) My daughter is almost 11. I have PR and an order for daughter to stay with me approx 36 per cent of time after acrimonious hearing 4 years ago (we split up 6 years ago) Term-time order was made 'school-till-school' to stop her obstructing contact. problem is holidays, espacially half term. She tries to muck up our life by (1)leaving telling me when access is to be till last minute (2) then choosing work/week days with her having weekends - I cannot do this due to holidays (I already take 6 weeks off and make it up at weekends etc) and (3) 'offering' me less than what the court ordered - normally only offering 4 nights over a ten night half-term. (NB she has also on one occasion turned up at school and tried to snatch our daughter on 'my' Wednesday night staying access) If she hands over our daughter with less than half the holiday to go, is there any way that she can legally demand her return before school starts again? (I have not agreed to return her before then but she gave my daughter a note saying she must be back by 6.00 pm today (Sunday) Second question: I bought my daughter a bigger bike - we cycle to school (3 miles) quite regularly together, and i gave it to her at her mum's flat for a while so that she could practice in the car-park there bedfore we took it on the road. Now she has refused to give it back (it is not working and she can't fix it) because she says it shoulfd be at our cxhild's 'home' (she is insistent to extremes that a kid can only have one home). What can i do to get the bike back? We want to use it and i and not well off. When I picked it up (it was left in a common area which i was invited in to) about a month ago she grabbed hold of it and iincited a large passer-by to assault me untilI I released it.
A.	Tony I think you have only one option and that is to take the matter back to court, to get all the niggling things she is doing out into the open and to enable to the contact regime to start from afresh. The problem is she keeps moving the goalposts and unless you show her you are willing to fight for your daughter's right to see you, then she will just get worse, in my experience. Have you tried raising this in the message boards? We have may members going through the same problems who would be more than willing to share their experiences with you.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My wife and I have recently separated after 8 years of marriage, with one child aged 18 months. She wishes to divorce me on the grounds of adultery, which I would admit to. However, the act took place over a year ago, and we continued to live together until around 6 weeks ago, so am I correct in thinking that this means she cannot use adultery as grounds for divorce? I am now seeing the woman that I committed the act of adultery with again, which my wife does not yet know. However she has told me previously that if I was to start to seeing her again then she would stop me having access to our child and would restrict me to supervised access only. Can she do this? Our separation was reasonably amicable and there was no violence involved, it was simply a breakdown in the relationship. At this stage I have no plans for this woman to spend any time with me and my child when we are together until I have a better idea of whether or not our relationship is developing into a more long-term one.
A.	My advice would eb for your wife to issue on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour in that you have had an innapropriate relationshipo rather than on adultery grounds as you say. Although she would not really have any grounds to justify withholding contact, the truth is that if she did, you would have to take her to court to get an order which could take months, during whiuch time you would not get to see your child. Keep the relationship under wraps for a few months at least so that if you have to go to court you can show she is doing this out of spite, as you will have had a prolonged period of contact behind you.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My husband is violent and I have a non molestation order and occupation order in place for 6 months. He tries to use children as weapons getting eldest to report back to him on my movements and to read emails etc. for him to use against me in the divorce. We were not married at the time the children were born and they are living with me. No court order concerning residency and contact has been made yet. Can I stop contact while he is putting the eldest under such control and emotional pressures? I have to ask the children, aged 13, 12 and 10 to even telephone him as they do not seem to want much contact with him themselves at the moment largely due to the pressures he puts them under I suspect. I am uncertain of the law regarding parental responsibilty around children who were born out of wedlock. Please help me out with this problem as he has also taken all funds from the joint accounts and I cannot afford legal advice or costs to escalate. I had to borrow money to pay for court costs obtaining the orders against him. I am on a very low income but legal aid has not been approved at this point.
A.	Sue Parental responsibility is acquired upon marriage by a father if the children were born before the marriage. However if you feel that his contact with them is causing them problems, you are within your rights as a responsible parent to withdraw contact. It would then be up to him to apply to the court for an order. Then all the issues can be aired and an independent view gained as to the situation and hopefully some long term solutions can be found. We have a children act package which costs £85.00 which may be of help to you if you feel it would be a good idea to take the matter to court yourself.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	i have been divorced for about 3 years now. my two children live with me and my partner. my x wants to take the children aboard on hoilday and im not sure if i really feel happy with them being aboard and so far away from home, as me and my x do not really get on very well. if i say no to my x in taking them away is ther any way in which he can do without my say so.. from his solictor or any other means, he sees the children every other weekend and for longer sometimes when i say in the hoildays. the children ages are 5 and 7.
A.	If you say no then he will have to apply to the court for permission to a) take them out of the country and b) for the time period that he wants to take them. As he has been having contact at the weekends regularly I think the court may say that no harm would come to the children and the order would be granted. I suggest that you obtain legal advice from a Solicitor.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have been divorced for two years with sole custody of the children. Due to my ex husbands behaviour and harrassment I moved out of the marital home and into a B & B then tempory LA accomodation. He does not know where I live or where the children go to school as I am afraid that he will turn up at either. He has threatened to take them from school and has had to be warned by the police and a company called ALIVE about his thretening behaviour and harrassment. He does however have two weekly visits with the children at his home and telephone contact with them. When we divorced he signed the paperwork which included the arrangements for the children which included access as above. The grounds were his unreasonable behaviour and mental cruelty. The childrens arrangements were that they would live with me and have access with their father as agreed. We attended mediation services to agree this and i have a written agreement to this effect. My children and I have also had to attend counselling to deal with some of the issues surrounding the breakdown of the relationship and subsequent fall out. My son (7yrs) is now getting upset when he has to visit his dad and has asked him to promise not to follow us home after a visit. What can I do about this situiation. I do not want to have to move again as my children are only now settled into their new home. My ex does not financially support them and although things are hard I do not want any support especially if it means he will have to know where we are! He has recently bought a car and has started saying he has a legal right to know where I live and where the children go to school. Is this true? Please advice as to what I do now. Thanks
A.	I think you should seriously consider whether he should continue to have contact to the children when his only motivation appears to want to know where you are living. I would seriously think about asking the court to stop contact or at least have contact at a contact centre where he can be monitored.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	Dear Sir / Madam, I would welcome some advice on what is deemed a sensible contact arrangement for 3 children aged 5,7 & 10. I am currently going through the latter stages of a divorce but 18 months on from petition I really want to start the next phase of my life. I spend 2/3 days a week with my new partner and have just started taking the children to 'her' home for weekends. My soon to be ex-wife and I have agreed on 95% of the arrangements concering the children and this seems to be working well i.e alternate weekends, shared holidays, allternate Xmas etc. The one sticking point is Sunday evening. Ex is insistant that the children be returned on Sunday at 5.00pm. I would like to return them to school on Monday morning as I feel a relaxed Sunday evening is an essential part of the weekend. I am still officially resident at the old matrimonial home but the atmosphere is not one I want the children subjected to during 'my' weekend. My Ex will only consider the Sunday evening issue once I have my own home and that is subject to the sale of the matrimonial home. She is obviously in no hurry to move and I do not want to put her under undue pressure as I believe this will affect the children. Any advise would be very welcome. PS I wish I had found this site 18 months ago as I believe it would have relieved a lot of pain and suffering. Many thanks
A.	It is quite common for children to be returned on the Sunday after contact and indeed many ways it is sensible because it allows the parent with care to get the children settled and ready for school the next morning and to set the routine up for the coming week. I am sorry if that is not what you need to hear but I do honestly think that Monday mornings to school are not a good idea and can cause problems for the rest of the week as when they get home that night they have to kick back into another routine without any adjustment which in my view is not fair on them or the parent with care.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I am divorcing my husband for unreasonable behaviour and the absolute will be issued in 2 weeks. Because of threats and his abusive behaviour both physically and mentally i have registered with the police and have a safe alarm. My solicitors have also written to his solicitors because of inappropriate things he is saying in front of our 3 year old son. Basically his behaviour is getting more and more irrational. He has threatened to kill me (said in front of witnesses), cause physical harm to me and tamper with my car. Some of this again has been said in front of our son. Currently he has access to our son alternate weekends. He will be receiving a sum of money in the near future which he says he intends to use to get a solicitor so he can have access to his son every weekend. I work full time and do not agree with this nor do I believe my husbands behaviour appropriate for my child to spend even more time with. My questions are would he be likely to succeed in gaining more access and if so what can I do to prevent this? Also since my husband only threatens me when alone or on the phone is there anything I can do should he carry these threats out – I have started to keep a diary would recording conversations help? Many thanks
A.	The court is now obliged to take domestic violence into account where contact is concerned so this will have to be brought up in your defence or argument why contact should be restricted. You should be guided by your Solicitor on this.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	There is a contact order for my 9 yr old daughter to stay every 3rd weekend with her father. The only stipulation was that we take her and collect her, which we do. This was at the recommendation of the welfare officer. This last weekend when she visited we found that she had in fact slept at a 'friends' house down the road on one night. Also when she is dropped off he is never there, only his new wife is. It also seems she is being given alcohol, diluted bottles of vodka & lemon. What we are concerned about is that she is sleeping elsewhere without the father and also that she slept in the same room as 2 boys. At what age should girls & boys be in seperate rooms. I feel very uncomfortable about this but if we say anything he does it far more to be cause confrontation. The alcohol and very late nights worry me too. Nearly every visit she returns looking washed out from 2 very late nights and has before had to miss school the next day. Today I sent her half asleep looking ill. Please tell us where we stand with a contact order in place for us to 'make her available' every 3rd weekend. Can he just send her to sleep elsewhere? Thank you for your help.
A.	If you feel that your ex is not looking after her properly then you should apply back to the court for a review of the arrangements and perhaps ask that he give certain undertakings to the court not to allow her to sleep over at other parties houses without your permission and to undertake not to allow her to drink alcahol and also not to stay up later than a certain time. It may be that he feels he has to compensate for not being with her by being less strict than he would have been if you had not parted?
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My partner and his wife have been seperated for 1 year, my partner recently moved in with myself and my 3 children. His divorce is due to be through any minute. He has 2 children to his ex and she has in made life as difficult as possible in him having access. She at first would not allow the children to be with myself and partner which meant he had to stay at his mothers at the weekends to see his children. One weekend we kept the youngest overnight at our home as the child requested this, the following week contact was suspended and her solicitor sent a letter saying that the child was not allowed to be at our home as there was an incident of domestic violence and that the child should not be subject to such things, it was a load of lies there has never been any violence of any kind between myself and partner and as you can imagine has upset me greatly. My partner wrote directly to her solicitor stating this was pure lies and was just another way of keeping myself from being with his child. every week when we have the child we get constant harrassment off her through text messages calling me names and threatning to remove access. My partner recently got himself a job and has been asssessed through csa and last weekend my partner was denied access to see his child again until he pays up. We have decided that we will have to go to court what are the chances that my partner would be granted overnight access if that is what the child wants and is his ex allowed to keep the child from seeing his father
A.	The chances are very good if there are no real issues as you say. The courts are very good at calming things down and enabling you to come to an agreed order and the Court Welfare Service would no doubt prepare a report if welfare issues were raised such as the alleged domestic violence and dismiss the allegations. Most contact matters are dealt with very quickly once they reach court.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	What is reasonable access? My fiance has a 7 year old son from a previous marriage. The divorce settlement states that my fiance is to see his son every other weekend and at least three weeks in the school holiday. His wife although sticking to those rules (to the letter), prevents telephone contact. She prevents contact over birthday and Christmas and We are currently about to move to the next town (a ten minute drive away) to be nearer him. Can you advise what is reasonable access. My fiance and I would love to have a greater part in his son's life and would certainly like it stipulated that birthdays, Christmas and other significant occasions are shared. Unfortunately the ex wife refuses to speak to my fiance, says she hates him and only communicates through email, when forced to. My fiance is concerned that if he tries for further access his current rights may be reduced rather than increased. What do the courts view as normal access?
A.	It is really a question of what would be practical. You are right to consider that it would be good for his son to see him on his special days such as Xmas and birthdays. The usual type of order is that each parent alternates Xmas day every year giving the boy 2 Christmas days which a child always enjoys and the same goes for New Year. As for the weekly contact a usual order is to have staying contact every other weekend with saturday or sunday visiting contact the other. As for school hols they can be divided equally. I suggest your partner applies to his local county court for a defined contact orde to deal with the matter. you do not need a Solicitor for this as the court are very friendly towards litigants in person in family matters and most cases are settled at the first hearing.
Answered by: David Leadercramer, Solicitor
Q.	Me and my ex-husband have an arrangement order, where by I drop my daughter round his parent home, on a certain time every Saturday. I believe in the long run he will not keep this arrangement, because he now lives over fifty miles away and I believe he will simply loose interest when the divorce is finally, completed. What do I do if he breaks the arrangements and only turns up when he feels like it? Do I have to contine to take my daughter round his parent home? Thanks
A.	This is a very difficult issue. You mention an arrangement order. Do you mean an order for contact? You say that you suspect that he will not keep to the arrangement but this is only a suspicion on your part and you cannot act on the basis of what he MIGHT do. From your daughter's perspective it is better if he keeps some contact with her rather than none at all but I understand how upset she will be if he does not keep to arrangements. My advice would be( assuming that he doesnt in due course stick to the arrangements) to go back to court to have the arrangements revised to a more infrequent level, if he cant keep to the agreed times. However it will put you in a much better light if you persist in trying to adhere to the arrangements even if he doesnt
Answered by: Katie Went, Solicitor, Bower & Bailey
Q.	I seperated from my wife in October 2000 and have been trying to obtain a divorce since. We agreed that she could file the divorce for my adultary however we have only just obtained the decree nisi (10 weeks ago). I have put forward several financial proposals both directly to my wife and through my solicitor which he considers to be fair however my wife is trying to get legal aid and her solicitor won't look at the finances until she has got it. There is a my pension involved that I have agreed to split evenly, could I ask my solicitor to apply for a consent order to speed things up a bit? Secondly I was seeing my two youngest boys every other weekend, one day and two days alternately. But as we have only a small house it was difficult to accommodate them for overnight stays and they also became bored. In view of this eight weeks ago I suggested that I see them every Sunday from the beginning of April. My ex wife has not agreed, or disagreed, just sent me a note saying it has been passed to her solicitor. I intend to commence with the new arrangements, the boys are happy with it, although obviously it needs to be flexible on all sides at times and I am trying to be reasonable. My ex appears to want to tell me when it is convenient to have the boys which I believe is unreasonable can she have an order made out to enforce this? Many thanks
A.	If financial negotiations are not going anywhere is may be necessary to apply to the Court for ancillary relief. It does not necessarily mean that there will be a consent order it just means that a timetable will be imposed upon the matter and eventually there will be trial if you and your wife cannot agree. It is quite usual for there to be delay over the legal aid and your solicitor would be better placed to advise you in this regard and to advise whether or not an application is suitable at this stage. Contact must be kept entirely separate from the finances. If you and your wife agree that contact should take place in principle but cannot agree on the logistics of it, mediation may help. Ask your solicitor about facilities for this in your area.
Answered by: Katie Went, Solicitor, Bower & Bailey
Q.	My question concerns a contact issue. I have attended court for my nisi hearing ( on 11/2/02 ) and have had my FDR hearing on 13/3/02. Towards the end of the FDR hearing there was an increase of monthly maintenance for my 1 child, to £300, pending a CSA investigation. It was part of an agreement between the 2 counsels concerned that I had asked for more access than I am presently getting, I only see my daughter on a Saturday from approx. 10.30am and returning her to her mother at approx. 5.30pm. I am allowed to take her down to visit my mother, who lives in Dorset, from a Friday evening and returning on the Sunday afternoon appox. once a month. I have recently just returned from an extended visit to my mothers before easter with my daughter, for a total of 4 nights, where my daughter was absolutely fine. The agreement between the 2 councels was that she would be more "flexible" with the access. After a rather heated conversation with my wife after the hearing, to discuss this "flexibility", it seems that there is to be no change to the arrangements already outlined above. Although she won't admit it, her refusal for more access being denied is that I have a new partner with 2 children of her own, both girls aged 6 and 5, with whom I now live, and she is giving me as little access as possible. In the past I have been followed by a private eye, and my soon to be ex-wife now knows where I live, what my partner, and even her children look like, and that the house in in very good order. How much control does the mother have in these type of situations, where the father obviosly wants to be included in the upbringing of his child as much as possible. I don't even know, almost a year on, where the child spends her day when my ex is at work. Is there any age that a court takes into consideration with regard to staying over, bearing in mind that she comes with me to my mothers, as agreed with my wife, and this arrangement has existed for some 8-9 months. What is the differance with my daughter, who is 18 months old, in staying with me in the London area on a weekend, than staying with me at my mothers. If I go to court, which seems to be the only way of trying to get more access granted, what are my chances, in your opinion. Is a mother free to dictate to a married father with automatic parewntal responsibility, when, where and how often, I can see my daughter. Surely she is not above the law. She has said that there will be a "minimum" of at least 2 years before she will even consider overnight staying within the London area. Surely it must count against her that she already allows me to take her down to my Mothers. Any comments will be gratefully accepted.
A.	Firstly contact issues and money issues should not be considered together. It is not clear from your question whether there is an application for contact before the Court. If contact is just being arranged by agreement then you always have the option of applying to the Court to have contested issues determined, ie, that of staying contact. Whilst I do not advocate applying to the Court for contact in all cases sometimes it is the only option if you have exhausted all avenues, ie, negotiation and mediation. The fact that you are having overnight contact at your mothers is in your favour. If your ex wife is merely objecting because she is finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that you have a new partner then I am afraid that overnight contact is probably inevitable, and unfortunately if she won’t budge an application may be necessary. Perhaps if there is a welfare report the CAFCASS officer could assist. However I do not know all the facts of the case and your own solicitor would be best placed to advise you in this regard.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have been divorced since last August, arrangements concerning my ex-husbands time with our two children have always been sorted between ourselves. Unfortunately, without my knowledge he moved in a girlfriend and her two children whilst our children where staying at his house for 2 days for the weekend and our daughter who is 8 years old caught them having relations on the settee in the night, she was very distressed by this, and this girlfriend has been verbally abusive and physically threatening to me. Contact at the moment is my ex-husband has them every other weekend and on a Tuesday and Thursday night, which I feel is unsettling for our children, even more so now his girlfriend and her children seem to be permanantly living there. Our daughter feels neglected etc, but my main concern is can I drop it to one day in the week? Do I really need to go to court? The relationship with myself and my ex-husband is quite hostile at the moment, he seems to be ruled by this girlfriend who is causing us alot of pain. I just want my children to be safe, my solicitor isn't being to eager to help me sort this out at the moment as the financial part of our divorce is only just getting settled. I want to see to these arrangements in the less intrusive way possible. I do not want to upset my ex-husband etc. I have received many threats, i.e. he said " I have passports for the children, if you don't let me have what I want I will leave the country with them and you will never see them again". I have contacted the Passport office and there is no knowledge of passports being taken out for them thankfully. Would very much appreciate your advice, I am increasingly worried about my children's safety. Yours sincerely Tracey Jones
A.	If you feel that the current arrangements for contact are not in your children's best interests then of course you are liberty to reduce contact as you see fit. he would have to apply to the court to have a contact order made in the terms he requires. The court will take your concerns into account and come to a decision based on what would be in the childrens best interests.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have purchased the divorce pack from yourselves and have just completed the first part. We purchased our house in July 1998 for 39,000 having a 37,000 mortgage. The house is now worth 60000. We have a child who is 5 months. My husband moved out in October 2001 and continued to pay towards the mortgage until Dec 2001. I now live in the house with my son and pay all the bill, mortgage on my own. He had agreed to sign the house over to me for 1000 pounds and agreed to sign the divorce papers (I am divorcing him for adultery). He was having our son 2 nights a week but I believe this has been disruptive to our son and have said he should only have him one night a week which my husband is not happy about. He now wont sign any paper work. He currently lives in his mistress house with her 2 children My questions are if he refuses to sign the papers what can I do? He is threatening to take me to court for more access to our son, what access would be granted? If he refuses to sign the house over can he make me sell or move out? If I stay in the house and want to sell once our child is grown up what percentage would my husband get? (He isn't paying the mortgage now) Thanks
A.	As far as the divorce is concerned I would go ahead and issue and see what he does. if he ignores the papers you can get the divorce through without his signature as long as the procedure is not for 2 years separation. If he does not agree the contact that you want and have set out in the statement of arranegements for children, the court will set a hearing to see whether this can be resolved. if there are no substantial welfare issues, the judge will normally allow the divorce to proceed. As far as the finances are concerned I do not think he would achieve much more than he has under the agreed terms, but if he is going to dispute it, you will need a Solcitor for that part.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have 3 children aged 13, 11 & 9. The 11 yr old has not seen his father for over 3 yrs as he refuses to go. I have solicitors letters stating his father will leave him to decide if he goes or not. The 13 yr old has gradually decreased when she goes, and has told him if he tries to force her to go by going to court she will not go again. The youngest one still goes regularly and only wants to stay at home if she's poorly. April last year we went to mediation at his request and it was agreed that the oldest could choose if she went and let him know, the middle one did not have to go and the 9yr old went every 3rd weekend. We thought this was working well and out of the blue we have had a solicitors letter stating he is taking us to court to obtain a court order in less that 3 wks. We had no idea this was coming. He is on legal aid, we're not. Now I have 2 children (13 & 11) refusing to go. Please advise what can happen. Can he force them to go at their age? They are saying they will still refuse to go. Also he wants to stop them changing their surname. Oldest and youngest have same name as him, but at school middle child has chosen to be known as my new married name. The children understand they will probably have to talk to the child welfare office as he is saying I stop them from going. Even though they have told him by letter, phone and to his face. He will not accept it comes from them and not me. I feel so sorry for these kids, what can I do? I can't afford a big solicitors bill. Please help.
A.	Do not worry, the court process is designed not be adversarial or intimidating and the children will be subject to a court welfare report where they will be able to tell the CWO how they feel about contact. You may have to file a statement setting out your side of the story but not until the court welfare officer has reported to the court. You may not need a lawyer for a while as unless there is a final hearing when I would advise you get one to do the advocacy and to prepare the case for trial.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My daughter is 11 years old, currently she spends 50% of her time with me and 50% with her mother. If she wishes to live with me overnight for 11 evenings and spend 3 evenings with her mother i.e. every other weekend, will a court consider her wishes? as her mother opposes this.
A.	Yes the court usually will consider the wishes of a child at 11, as long as the Court Welfare Officer who is preparing the report for the case considers the child to be of sufficient maturity.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My wife and I are legally separated for 1 year. My w has changed her telephone number and refuses to give it to me. I have 2 children aged 19 months and 4 yrs and i would like to contact them. My wife has now made her parents the contact for all issues relating to contact (recieved a solicitors letter to this effect a week ago). In addition i am limited to 2 hours supervised contact each Saturday with wifes parents (again in a solicitors letter). There is no supervised contact order and no stipulation that i see my children for 2 hours each week (reasonable contact in the sep agreement). My wife refuses to send xmas cards on my childrens behalf and would not provide information on my childrens illness for a private medical health care plan. This Xmas I was told I could see my children in a park on Xmas day (i.e. give presents in a park). I try very hard to make sure that I do send cards on my childrens behalf to their mum. My 4 year old son does not want to see me some Saturdays and needs to be persuded to come along. I fear that my son is copying my wife's alienating behaviour (i.e. not contacting me in any form). On xmas day he refused to visit me. Wifes parents said that wife had tried to persuade him but he wouldnt come. I feel very powerless to change the situation. I guess I come from a slighly different perspective than most on this site because I want to work on our marriage and going to court feels like saying goodbye to any chances. I dont want to go to court if it can be avoided but feel that I am being forced down that road by wifes actions. I was looking for some advice on the best path to take particularly for my relationship with my children.
A.	I am afraid that unless your wife will agree to attend mediation with you, then your only option is to apply for a contact order to your children. From what you say it would appear that your son is mimicing your wifes behaviour which is very common I am afraid. The longer you leave it the worse the alienation will get.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	hi, i have been married for 6 years now.we have 2 children togather and we have lost another baby when i was pregnant 8 month. my husband dose what ever his family tells him, my inlaws do not like me bicause they r pakistani and i am not, the other rison is we did not asked them when we got married.so they have given me very difecult life,but the other day i had enoughf so i awnserd my mother inlaw back and that was is, even that i dont heve a problem with my husband now he is telling me to leave bicause that what his family disided.i told him that we love each other and we have to litle children, so lets get a place in r own and leave but he is saying that if my family dont like u - i dont want to live with u. i am from russia,i dont have any other family here and to tell u the truth if he is doing what his family tells him and dosnt cear about his wife and children ,i dont need a man like this... so please can u tell me what right dose he have over children and what rights i have, bicause the man who leaves his children for one only reson that his family dont like his wife, he dosnt deserve to see his children ever again...please reply
A.	You are being treated very badly by both your husband and his family. I understand there may be cultural problems, but from what you say their behaviour has been very bad. You would therefore be able to apply for divorce on the gorounds of his unreasonable behaviour. As for his contact with the children, this will depend on you really. If the matter were to go to court, the court would try very hrsd to find common ground between you to enable the children to see their father. You really need to see or speak to a Solicitor.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	One of the numerous reasons for my daughter divorcing her husband was unreasonable behaviour. He is paranoid about football. Now after a contact court hearing, after saying and putting it in writing, he will not take her to a Southampton Football match. Two days after the hearing he took his daughter ( against her wishes)to a match against Charlton (at home). His daughter does not have a season ticket, her dad coluded with some other season ticket holder. Since then my daughter's ex has been interviewed by the local press and an article has appeared where he depicts his daughter as trophy and the reason why Southampton are winning. He talks about his wife, contact details and as I said that Lorna was taken to the Bolton match last Tuesday 4thDec at Bolton. (he picked her up from school). On the 9thDec he puts a report out on the web site he edits( theuglyinside.com) called THE CULT OF LORNA. He then writes an article depicting his daughter as some scientific and mathematical event that has created the Southampton success. He has also identified that he will have contact this Saturday and intends to take her to the Man u game at Old Trafford(Man. How he's going to get to Manchester and return his daughter between the hours 10am & 7pm (contact duration ) I do not know. Can you treat with some urgency as this man is acting mentally unstable in my opinion.
A.	The only thing your daughter can do is to refuse contact and to ask for a directions hearing to deal with the fact that he has blatantly ignored the agreement or order that was made. I suggest she arranges for further directions hearing asap. The power is with your daughter as she has effective care and control. She should stop contact happening if she feels it is not in her the childs best interests.
Answered by: Katie Went, Solicitor, Bower & Bailey
Q.	I am writing on behalf of my live in partner who is basically going through a nightmare with her ex-husband. A contact order was assigned by the court giving her ex-husband bi-weekend contact and one day mid week contact. We thought that this would be the end of it and we could both get on with our lives, but since the order we have continually been harrassed on matters relating to the children through his solicitor. Yesterday, the children being ill, seen by a GP, did not want to go for contact with their father. Both children clearly stated to their mother that they did not wish to have contact with their father on this occassion. She called her x to inform him of this fact and he immediately retailitated saying that she was breaking the court ordder and that they would go back to court if they did not go with him. The children were brought out for contact, but he could clearly see he was causing them great stress and that they did not want to go with him. Today, we have received what can only be described as a vicious letter from his solicitor stating that we have broken the order, are turning the children against him, threatening my partner with and I quote "prison" and that he would apply for custody of the children. Now is it me or is this not harrassement by her husband and his solicitor as all accusations are totally unwarrented and unsubstantiated. Can a solicitor seriously act in such an aggressive and antagonistic manner after the very first instance that the children did not want go with him (which I might add was no fault of her own)? To date, the contact order has been followed to the letter. Can his solicitors use such strong words as "Prison", which highly intimidates and scares my partner. He actions appear not be about the welfare of the children, but more vidication toward his x-wife after she and the children endured physical abuse. Do solicitors have guidlines that they must adhere to and how should we approach such aggressive action? Should she have to put up with antagonising, unsubstantiated remarks and threats as she has done nothing wrong? How can we stop this continual harrassement by her ex-husband, which is causing us a serious effect on our quality of life. He also pays the children two hundred pounds a month for two children, but spends more than two hundred pounds a month on solicitors letters to her. Also, of greater concern, her ex-husband during contact is allowing four year children during his contact to play outside unsupervised, near a road. We have sent him two letters to date stating that he must constantly supervise the children, but each time he does not take any notice and continues to let them play outside, unsupervised. We are both seriously concerned about the children being hit by a car or even worse abduction. Could you please advise as to his responsibilities to four year olds during contact and the best approach to dealing with what I would describe as neglect on his part? How would a judge or court view his actions? Thank you for your help......for the best loving mum I know!!!!!!!
A.	I am afraid that there is no ideal solution to your problems. With regard to the solicitors letters. Bear in mind that we as solicitors act upon our client’s instructions and in my experience it is often the case that two people can see a situation so differently to each other. Notwithstanding that the inflammatory letters are obviously causing your partner some concern. Redress in this area could be limited. Check to see if the solicitor is a member of the Solicitors Family Law Association. If so they must ascribe to a code of conduct and these such letters particularly if written to you direct are not in accordance with the code, (although not having seen them I could not exactly say). However, if they are not a member then I am afraid that there is little you can do, perhaps try contacting the senior partner of the firm an explain your concerns. As you are not a client it is up to them as to whether they deal with the matter or not. Contact is an emotive issue – dad wants to see the children and sees any attempt by mum to stop this as a direct attack on him. Mum is concerned about making the children go to contact when they are ill or don’t want to as she does not want to force them, but knows that she will be accused by dad of turning them. There is no magic solution. As to what happens during contact. It is also difficult. Obviously no one wants to keep making applications to the Court and it is highly likely that the Court would adjudicate on the exact issue, ie, playing near a road. Even if they did it would be impossible to Police. On this point alone the Court are unlikely to stop contact. The decision is your partner’s as to whether she decides that this is serious enough to warrant stopping contact. If she does her ex will almost certainly apply to enforce the order. The Court would then have the opportunity of talking to her ex about adequate supervision but they may take a dim view of your ex’s actions if substantial time has passed with no contact taking place. Good Luck with what is a very common problem/situation.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I was engaged to be married. We split up, but have a boy aged 19 months. She says I have no rights to my child but gets maintenance money from me. what rights do I have?
A.	You have the right to apply for court orders such as contact and residence, but as you were not married you do not have Parental responsibilty. You can apply to the court for a Parental Responsibilty Order, which is rarely refused and if she is refusing to let you see your child, you can apply for a contact order, so you can regularly see your child. I suggest you contact a specialist family lawyer using our new Family Law Directory.
Answered by: Hilary Bowles, Solicitor, Fullagarbrooks
Q.	I divorced my husband 3 years ago which was far then friendly..He was having fortnightly contact and on seeing me he would shout abuse infront of out now 7 year old daughter which upset her terribly. My partner and i then got someone to do the drop off inorder to stop this confrontation, he then in time started on them.We always met with him half way or made arrangments.Things thenreally worsened after a move about 100 miles from him. I decided that I would no longer make this journey due tonot having anyone who could do this reguarly, the upset my daughter went though whilst anticipating the confrontation,( i have now got her to see a child psychologist). He has since said he only wants her once a month and will not travel down.. he has informed me that if I do not travel atleast half way he will take me to court. can he do this I really am only acting in our daughters best interests he can have her for staying contact any time but i just dont want to put her through anymore problems with arguments and confrontation.
A.	I had a very similar case recently where I acted as agent for the husband who refused to travel. The District Judge said that if the final hearing came before him he would make husband travel the whole journey.Either the father wants contact in the best interests of his child or he doesn't. The inconvenience the father suffers by travelling will not be huge factor in the Courts decision making.I think on the facts as presented to me which are sparse you have an arguable case that you do not need to travel at all. The best interests of your child will be the paramount consideration, it is apparent that the father is not putting his child's interests to the fore because of this the Court's intervention may impose on the father contact on terms he does not like. I would set out to father by a solicitor's letter that you are prepared to have allow contact and what your concerns are. This is will increase the likelyhood of recovering your legal cost in the event that he does proceed.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have 3 children, from my 1st marriage, which ended because of his unreasonable behaviour. The youngest, a girl aged 8, spends every 3rd weekend with him. He has just moved in with his new partner and is getting married next year. After a long process she seems to be settling down to this routine. On her return this weekend, she told us he has told her she will go and live with him for 6 months of the year, he will take her to school, she will have new bedroom, new clothes, etc. Of course, being spoilt whenever she is there, this seems a good prospect. He lives the other side of town and is quite happy for her to be moved about every 6 months. Of course, there is no way we will agree to such disruption in her life but where do we stand? Her oldest sister has also been requested to go and has said no way. In fact, she feels no longer happy going. The middle boy has had no contact for 3 yrs and is the best adjusted child!! At present I am heavily pregnent with my 2nd husbands child, our first being 9 months old. I cannot bear to think of the effect on the others having their sister taken away for half of the year and the trauma this will cause them. They adore their sister. Please advise us on what we can do, and if (as he tells her) this is something that some parents do. I do not beleive it to be so.
A.	Your ex husbands wishes are to be frank irrelevant. The only thing the court will be concerned with is whether this proposed arrangement would be in her best interests. What the court likes to see is stability as this is the best atmosphere in which a child can thrive. This plan of your ex's would clearly in my view cause instability and in light of the eldest child's objections and the middle child not having any contact I cannot see how his application would succeed. If he persists and makes an application I would advise you seek advice from a Solicitors firm with a Children Panel membership.
Answered by: Katie Went, Solicitor, Bower & Bailey
Q.	My contact with my children has been excellent. My ex-wife walked in Mar 98. The Girls were 2 & 3 years old and contact has been as follows: Week 1 Sat returning in the evening. Week 2 Sat returning Sun Morning 11.30am. Week 3 Fri night through to Sun Morning 10.30am. Week 4 Sat through to Sun returning at 5.00pm. This arrangement has been in place for a long time. My little girls are now 5 & 6. My ex-wife is complaining that she does not get enough quality time with the girls and is insisting I have Saturdays only as contact otherwise she will take legal action etc. I am not happy with this arrangement. I have an excellent relationship with Lucy and Ellie and I do not think it is in the childrens best interests to do this. Also my ex-wife has recently re-married and she works part time in the week including Saturdays. She has worked Saturdays since May 1997. What contact would a judge grant me. I need more info because to date since 1998 I have only been blocked twice from seeing my children but in recent weeks my ex-wife has made things difficult for me and I believe things will worsen in this area. Please help me. Thank you for your time.
A.	Usual orders are alternate weekend staying contact with perhaps some in the intervening week depending on how close you live with to each other. However I stress that every case is considered upon its own merits. Usually the Courts allow each parent to have quality time at the weekends, but if your ex wife is working then contact between her and the children could be limited. Obviously the history of your case is going to be important. I cannot see any problem with you obtaining a contact order if there is a dispute but whether it is along the same lines as you have now is a difficult question to answer.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My husband and I have been separated for two years - we have four children and there are no orders in place. The children reside with me and see their father regularly. Lately however I have been having a lot of problems with my ex constantly asking the children out for days when he wouldn't usually see them, and also insisting that he can place the children with relatives if he is away on 'his' weekend. Since he has involved the children in this conflict everything is becoming very stressful. What I would like to know is if as the parent with care I can go for a defined contact order so that we all know where we are. My solicitor says that only the absent parent can go for a contact order - is this right? Thanks for your help.
A.	I used to advise clients to issue a contact application in order to get a hearing at the very least to get the Respondent to at least listen. I would issue a Specific Issue application, asking the court to make a defined contact order. This is odd I know but works.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My partner yesterday sought advice from a local solicitor to clarify the position of the childcare arrangements he currently has with his ex-wife. He was advised not to pursue the matter any further as the contact he currently has would be deemed excessive if it was to be contested. The arrangement for the last 5 years has been that he has the children for an overnight stay one night in the week and from Saturday morning until Sunday teatime. We have now purchased a home together and would like to offer the children the oppportunity to spend more time with their Dad if that is what they want. He also wanted to firm up the pick up times etc. as the children are often not ready or indeed not there and no notice has been given. Is the advice he has been given correct? Could he possibly lose the verbal agreement he has had for the last 5 years if he was to want a more secure arrangement?
A.	Contact cannot be defined as too much or too little. It is always going to be defined by what is in the best interests of the children in question relative to their individual needs and lifestyle. There could be an argument that any additional contact during the week could unsettle their routine as far as school and schoolwork is concerned, but apart from that I cannot see what is wrong with the existing arrangements and further why the court would agree to reducing them if the children are happy and they have been in place for some time, without problems. It maybe your Solicitor is worried that you will upset the applecart by asking for a formal order, and this can lead to some parents with care deliberately becoming obstructive towards contact, which can be difficult to enforce, even with the benefit of a court order, as the courts powers are limited as to what they can do to enforce the order.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	Is there any way my partner can find out if a contact order has been made for his children. He has his divorce absolute granted in May last year, but there has been no written contact order that he is aware of. He is having problems where contact is being refused, and when it does occur his five year old son is heart broken on being returned to his mother. Is there a way forward in this situation, and where can he go to get help. At the moment he is on long term sick due to the stress created from the separation from his children.
A.	The court will not make an order unless it has to do so, and if the arrangements for children were agreed by both parties at the time of divorce, then it is unlikely that there will be an order. Has he considered mediation as a way of resolving these problems, before resorting to the court? If he needs a contact order he will need to apply on form C1 to the court. The court fee is currently £80.00. Once he has issued the application, both parties will have to attend a directions hearing and court welfare appointment where the court will try to find a compromise between the parties wherever possible. Most cases are settled at these appointments.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My daughter's husband has arranged "minimum" contact time with their 2 daughters. This is one weekend in 4 and visiting very briefly to put them to bed one evening a week. I don't understand "minimum". Is there a contact requirement from the non-custodial parent? Could this just be to establish a claim for financial advantage for example in reducing his contribution to their support? The way it was put was "because of his work schedule he has opted for the minimum contact". Most grateful for any comment which might help floundering innocents to understand what is going on.
A.	There is no such thing as minimum contact, only what is in the best interests of the children. What he has proposed is actually quite normal as far as contact arrangements go and I suppose what is meant by minimum contact is that any additional contact requested will not unreasonably refused. There is no tie in between contact and finances.
Answered by: Tracy McCormack, Solicitor
Q.	Living in Scotland with 2 children aged 12.5 and 8. Separated 3 years ago. Hubby refuses to attend Mediation. Children used to stay with him every second weekend and part of holidays (never an official agreement). I have refused to allow them to stay overnight since for the past 14 months he has made children sleep on couches. He has refused to have camp beds or sofa bed in his property ("makes it messy"). Both hubby, his live-in partner and elder daughter have all said children are miserable staying over with him. Have told hubby he can see children as much as he wants, for as long as he wants as often as he wants if he could just let me know when that's to be. He has refused to make any kind of suggestion for over 3 months now. He 'phones up the night before he wants to see them and then comes to visit them for roughly 2 to 3 hours once a weekend. Arrival times are determined by him. Neither I nor children know how long he'll visit for. Have tried to resolve some agreement with him for the purposes of divorce (as well as stability etc. for children). All he has said is "perhaps it might be better if I don't see them at all". Which I take to be a wind-up. I hope! Though I've told him if that's what he wants I'll agree. How can some sort of access agreement be reached for the divorce whilst he refuses to put any suggestion/wishes? I am tempted to refuse any contact to provoke a response. Do I have to resolve with solicitor (more bills), can the court system help me directly (Scotland)and if so how? If Court Welfare officers become involved, what happens? Had I any right to refuse to allow them to sleep on couches, given that I'd waited for more than a year for him to come up with something better and offered my own camp beds on numerous occasions? Is there a minimum level of care expected by the absent parent when children stay over? Thanks for any help.
A.	I am afraid that you really do need to seek the advice of an expert in Scottish Law, this site deals primarily with legal matters in England and Wales and not Scotland where the law differs. However on a general level if you feel that you husbands lack of commitment to access and his refusal to adhere to any specific arrangements is having a detrimental effect on your children and he will not attend mediation then you should seriously consider stopping contact to protect your children. Obviously this is a last resort option but sometimes there is nothing else you can do if you have tried all other options. From what you have said you appear to have done all that you can to try and promote access, while protecting your children from the upset of constant disappointment. However as I have said I would consult a local specialist lawyer to make sure that you there is no other agencies or options that you could use in your locality.
Answered by: Tracy McCormack, Solicitor
Q.	Please could you advise of the likely outcome of a possible application I may have to take for a prohibitive steps order to ensure my ex-wife doesn't remove the boys from their home where they are settled, have friends, enjoy school,etc and take them out of the locality. I am concerned that this is a possibility as I am expecting to be granted the right to return to our jointly owned property in which she and our boys currently live. Is the court likely to be sympathetic to such a request as I feel it would be necessary in the boys' interests? We are divorced.
A.	It is difficult on the limited information given to provide specific advice. If a prohibited steps application was made under the Children Act the court would have to consider the children's welfare as paramount and take into account the factors in the welfare checklist (as set out in the Children Act). I presume you feel your former wife would chose to move rather than remain in the former matrimonial home with you. If this is correct then the court would have to balance such issues as the boys remaining in the home they know but with a mother who is wholly opposed to you living there and the resultant acrimony and its effect on the children. Alternatively the court would have to consider whether it would be better for the boys to have to move and possibly go to new schools etc. but be away from the predicted hostility between you and their mother. The issues surrounding children are always difficult and the court has the unenvious task of balancing all sorts of factors and trying to decide what is in the children's best interests when parents are sadly unable to agree.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My 12 year old daughter goes to her fathers every third weekend (he provides us with the dates - we don't decide when they go.) Sometimes due to illness, clubs etc she decides she doesn't want to go. My ex-husband is now threatening to take us to court because of this. My daughter has now said if it goes to court she does not want anything to do with him. Where do we stand when a child refuses to go to the other parents. I do not want to force her to go. Her brother has not been for 2 and a half years. He is 10. The youngest child, a girl, is only 8. Still, there has been rare occassions when she has refused to go. How old can children be when they can decide for themselves and nobody can do anything about it. I am happy for them not to go if they wish. He also has legal aid but has never been unemployed, on benefits, and is more over the threshhold than we are. How has he obtained legal aid and does it cover the court costs. We are going to mediation at his request. He also refuses to let us drop the children off as he states he will have us nowhere near his girlfriends house and that's where they have been staying for the weekends for past 6 months.(We have now found out the address through our own detective work - not knowing where they were was making me ill) I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour 3 yrs ago and it seems he is still being unreasonable. Hope you can help. Thanks.
A.	Your daughter is of an age where her own interests will naturally take precedent on occasions and this would be true even if you were not divorced. Your ex is putting her into an extremely difficult position and is being selfish. My view is that you invite him to take it to court so that a defined order can be made with parameters you can all work to. She is now at an age where her views will be taken into account and she will be seen by the Court Welfare Service if it is felt necessary to do so. As for Legal Aid, you can request details of his certificate from his Solicitors. You can then write to the Legal Aid Board to indicate you believe he no longer qualifies. The problem is that his income may have risen since getting legal Aid but he has not reported the rise (quite common). You do not necessarily need a Solicitor to deal with this as it is common sense and the Court Welfare service and the District Judge will assist you with any procedural matters that need to be dealt with. As for Legal Aid, you can request details of his certificate from his Solicitors. You can then write to the Legal Aid Board to indicate you believe he no longer qualifies. The problem is that his income may have risen since getting legal Aid but he has not reported the rise (quite common). You do not necessarily need a Solicitor to deal with this as it is common sense and the Court Welfare service and the District Judge will assist you with any procedural matters that need to be dealt with.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My husband is going to court next week to a Child Welfare Hearing to increase the amount of time he sees the children according to the present minute of agreement. We live in Scotland. We understand that the children's opinions will be sought through the use of a questionnaire which has been sent to their home. My question is this. Given that they live with their mother who is vindictive, obstructive and hurtful towards my husband, how can the contents of these questionnaires be considered representative? The children are 11 and 12, however they are being gradually brainwashed against their dad and therefore she will use this as an opportunity to ensure that he does not see his kids and it will appear as if it is the childrens choice.
A.	The Court Welfare Officers are experienced in interpreting the questionnaire and use it as a preliminary tool. They will most likely wish to see the children on their own as well once they know what the issues are in this case. They will be able to see if there is any undue inluence being exerted from mother and seek to overcome it. The overiding view is that contact is in the best interests of the child and they will do all they can to facilitate this unless it would not be in their best interests to do so.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	Hi, I wonder if you can help! My ex husband and I separated five years ago, divorced four years, after his having an affair. Up until 12 months ago he consistently had the children every other weekend, however this time last year he asked me to leave the marital home as he was having problems with his new relationship, this I agreed to do. Upon leaving the marital home he refused to have the children on the same basis using work as an excuse Up to a point whereas now he does not have the children to stay at all saying I as the mother have sole custody and because he pays maintenance he should not have to have the children to stay. I work full time and wondered whether as he signed the Agreement for Children before we divorced whether this is still applicable. I also wonder where I stand as to whether I can make him have the children. I must add the children have now got out of the habit of going to their father's and when they do they find it boring. However, the children would go if they knew I had made arrangements but as I am not told by their father when and if he is having them either for a weekend or overnight I can not make firm arrangements and then do not have an argument to persuade the children to go. By the way my children are both boys, aged 14 and 12.
A.	The Statement of arrangements is a flexible document and only really applies at the time of the divorce. Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do to make him have overnight stays with the children, even if they want to stay with their father. A trick I used to use for fathers who would not see the children was to apply to the court for a specific issue order that the Respondent (him) be prevented from having contact with the children. This forces a hearing at which you get the opportunity to have him explain his actions to a judge and a court welfare officer. This used to have the desired effect of changing their attitude as they look mean and uncaring which most fathers do not want to do in front of strangers. You can get the forms from the court and issue them yourself. The fee is £80.00
Answered by: Simone Katzenberg, Solicitor
Q.	I am trying to go for my divorce, my full story is posted in the forums under "she changed her mind". Now I have been granted my decree Nisi, over three months ago but the judge wont let me have my decree absolute. He is not happy with contact isues, I have done all I can as to getting a D.N.A. test, being tested and making provisions for future contact. but she wont sign anything or even respond to the C.S.A. or to her solicitor about arangements. I want to re-marry but I cant. Is there anyway of getting round this issue of contact arangements and dealing with it after the divorce???
A.	No , not likely if the court has decided against it. You need to issue children act proceedings if appropriate and get a decision on the outstanding points. Divorce-Online will be launching Residence and Contact application Pacs soon which will give you the completed forms and a complete guide to the process. Otherwise you need to instruct a Solicitor asap.
Answered by: Tracy McCormack, Solicitor
Q.	My brother's ex wife has just made a very serious attempt at suicide. They have two children aged 7 and 2. We do not believe there was a residency order made during the divorce as he agreed to let her have the children, house etc. The children are now with him at my parents house. We are all fearful for their safety if they return to their mother and would not be happy unless we are certain she is well again. The attempt was very violent involving a cirular saw to her neck and she is cut from ear to ear, so it wasn't a cry for help! As you can imagine the communication between our family and hers is strained and she is refusing to see my brother so we are completely in the dark as to the long term situation. What is his position involving the children, housing, benefits (if he needs to go part time) and long term residency? Is it wise to involve the social services for support or will they interfere?
A.	If your brother has any fears that his former wife may attempt to remove the children from his care without his consent then he certainly does need to obtain a court order. Obviously the longer the children live with your brother then the more settled they will become, and in fact your brother may feel that there needs to be a permanent change to the long term arrangements for the children. If your brother is currently the sole carer for the children and there is no residence order in force, your brother can apply for the appropriate benefits. If your brother is caring for the children and they are safe and well I see little point in involving social services. I would however strongly recommend that your brother does see a local solicitor with regard to his situation.
Answered by: Tracy McCormack, Solicitor
Q.	My ex and I separated in Feb 1999 and are now eligible for divorce. My ex is on full legal aid and does all in his power to cause problems. We now have a minute of agreement stating that Ross will reside with me, but there is a child welfare hearing on 15th March as he wants a Wednesday night overnight with our only sonn Ross. Ross is 2.5 years old. The current arrangement for contact is every second weekend from 4pm Friday to 4pm Sunday and I have recently agreed for Ross to be collected from nursery by my ex on a Wednesday evening for dinner and returned by 7.30 for bed. He now is asking the courts to grant an order allowing Ross to stay overnight with him. ross has never stayed away during the week before, my ex lives at home with his parents and has no bedroom for ross, we live near each other so the journey home for Ross on a Wednesday evening is only a few minutes, my ex leaves for work in the morning before the nursery opens and before Ross awakes so je will be relying on his mother to take Ross to nursery. He has also lied on his CSA application about his housing details and the number of nights he has Ross. Are his chances of obtaining the overnight realistic. I feel that Ross can't take much more disruption to routine. I am also booking a summer holiday to Florida this year and I am frightened to tell my ex in case he raises a court order (his favourite pastime) to stop me going. It will be myself, my partner who lives with us and Ross. If I leave telling him until the last minute about my holiday plans do I risk looking like a bad parent. I am frightened to tell him the dates I have booked (September) at the moment as I know he will try and stop me going. I plan to wait until the week of the holiday to inform him that we are going away so that he doesn't have time to stop us. Can he stop us? Lesley x
A.	Dealing firstly with your ex husbands application for overnight contact. It would appear that there would be little if any benefit to Ross for an overnight mid week visit. I would stress to the court that your ex would have little, if anymore time with Ross, bearing in mind that he goes to bed at or about 7.30 and leaves for work before Ross wakes up. Further you could advise the court of your concerns over the disruption to Ross's routine midweek, when it is obviously important he has a regular routine and a good nights sleep, so that he is ready for nursery. If you feel that your ex is simply making this application because of the CSA then you could also raise this, however you should concentrate on the issue of Ross's welfare. Although these type of applications are difficult to predict, I would think that you have a strong case to oppose your ex husbands application. With regards to your summer holiday, unless you have a Residence Order,which would allow you to take Ross out of the jurisdiction for periods of up to one month, you need the consent of your ex to take Ross out of the jurisdiction. If your ex will not give consent then you need to obtain the leave of the court. If you feel your ex will not consent you should ask him, now so that you will have time to apply to the court. If you have to apply to the court I would suggest that your application would be successful.
Answered by: Tracy McCormack, Solicitor
Q.	I have just split from husband of 5 years we have two children 3 years and 2 years old. At present husband pays £450 per month maintenance which we have agreed but his salary is roughly £1700 per month, he has quite a few debts including car loan. He is in the navy; lives on board pay food and accommodation at source how much maintenance am I entitled to? What are the usual amounts of access to children as he lives two minutes around the corner but will only see them for 3 hours twice a week and any more is unreasonable is that normal?
A.	I am afraid I cannot calculate the maintenance liability on the information you have provided. May I suggest that you use the Divorce-Online CSA calculator or contact the Child Support Agency Help line and they will be happy to do an approximate calculation for you? There are no set guidelines for levels of contact. Contact should be set at a level that is in the best interests of the children. If you feel that your children wish to see more of their father, then try talking to him about his, or use the services of a local mediation service or perhaps the services of the family officer on your husbands navy base. Unfortunately no court can force your husband to have more contact. Although, if you felt that should contact remain at such a low level it would be a detriment to your children you could apply to the court to stop contact.
Answered by: Tracy McCormack, Solicitor
Q.	My husband and I have been separated for 2 years. In July 1999 we attended a child welfare hearing as my ex was seeking residence. It was agreed that he would have 2 overnights every second weekend and until he started work would have 2 days during the week. No order was made. In April of last year we attended mediation where we agreed that once he started work it would not be appropriate to see our son during the week in the evenings unless he had holidays from work. He started work in November and has asked for an overnight stay during the week. I have refused and agreed to let our son go there for dinner on a wednesday evening as I thought it would be beneficial for him. He is now taking me to court for a Wednesday overnight every week. My ex stays with his parents and brother. There is no bedroom for my son. He leaves for work before our son gets up in the morning so would not be able to take him to nursery. He has also lied on his CSA application that he already gets the extra night in order to cut his payments. What is the likelyhood of this being granted.
A.	When considering any application for contact the court will always treat the childs welfare as the paramount consideration. Clearly, when you and your husband attended mediation you looked at what would be best for your son, and concluded that overnight midweek contact, when your ex was working, would not be in your sons best interest. I feel that if you are able to show that nothing has changed and that all the reasons that were present before are still present,then your ex is unlikely to succeed. The fact that your ex has lied on his CSA form is not really relevant to these proceedings, although obviously you are able to advise the CSA that there is no overnight midweek contact at present.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have a relative who has recently became seperated from his wife. she has for no reason, refused him access to his 2 year old son. He has been informed by a solicitor that it will cost him £500 (which he can not afford) to get a court order to change this situation,what advice can you give please.
A.	Although it is always preferable to obtain the advice of a Solicitor, this is an application he can issue himself. The Contact application will be issued on Form C1, which he can get from the local county court office. The fee for a Contact application is currently £80.00. When he issues the application, the court will set a hearing date for s Directions Appointment. This first hearing is designed to see what the issues are and what needs to be done for the future conduct of the proceedings. The parties will have to see a Court Welfare Officer to see if there is a need for a court report. They will also be invited to consider mediation before going any further. The CWO will try to see if any agreement can be reached at this stage and will make their views on the application known to the Judge. If the matter cannot be settled, the court will order that statements be filed and Court Welfare Report if necessary.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have been divorced for 5yrs,with a contact order made in court for my son every weekend. Now because of an argument my ex says I can’t see him anymore, can she do this?
A.	If there is a contact order in force and she has breached it, you need to apply back to the court for it to be enforced. You need to obtain form C2 from the county court where you were divorced and quote the case number. The court will then list a directions appointment for your wife to explain why she has decided to breach the order. The court will then probably refer you to mediation and or to the Court Welfare service for a report to be prepared to see whether the order should be enforced or varied. You should get legal advice before proceeding as this can be complicated.
Answered by: Simone Katzenberg, Solicitor
Q.	Hello, I have recently come out of work due to ill health and my ex wife as now told me that if I don’t go back to work and pay maintenance she will stop me seeing my son. Is there a law against these kinds of things? And if so could I have her prosecuted?
A.	Much will depend on how long you have been married and also the extent of the assets that are in sole name. If the marriage is short and the assets are quite equal, then a clean break order could be appropriate. Even if they are not a clean break order may be appropriate if neither of your wishes to pursue a claim. Firstly your ex needs to understand that the payment of maintenance and issue of contact of your child are two totally different things. If you can't pay maintenance because you are out of work, then you can't pay maintenance. You should however try and pay something however small the sum. If she stops you seeing your child, you should immediately make an application to court for contact of your child.
Answered by: Simone Katzenberg, Solicitor
Q.	My ex-wife is being very difficult when it comes to access to my 3 year old daughter. I have asked for every other weekend overnight contact but she is refusing this. She has a solicitor via legal aid. I cannot afford one as I am paying for our house and my own accomodation, is there a way I can take her to court or get any help in resolving this issue or am I at her mercy???
A.	Sadly you are at her mercy but that doesn't mean that you should do nothing. You can try mediation but mediation will only be successful if both parties are willing to co-operate. The only option you may have is to refer the matter to the court so that a court welfare officer can become involved. This may mean that your ex starts to co-operate failing which contact should be established on a basis recorded in a court order. You may need to wait a while before you have week-end staying contact because your child is very young. However if your ex is determined to make contact as difficult as possible, you need to grit your teeth and keep going, taking at least what is on offer so the contact is maintained. Your child won't understand if you give up your battle to keep contact going. Good luck and don't give up even though you may not be getting as much contact as you want at the moment.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	Hello! I was wondering whether you could give me your thinking about the following scenario, and I will try to be as clear and concise as possible and ask you to bear with me as I set out the relevent background (which is important) to my question: The facts: 1. Peter and Mandy were married a year ago. 2. Mandy had first met Peter 10 years ago when she was 18 and he was 32. At that time he was separated from his (then) wife, Cathy, and awaiting the finality of a divorce, which happened six months later. Peter and Cathy have a son, who is now 8 years old. 3. During that 6 month period Mandy became pregnant with Peter’s child. Being only 18, rather immature and, (being unmarried and pregnant), confused emotionally, Mandy distrusted the fact that Peter was, in fact, separated from Cathy, and made a large number of calls to Mandy’s house, to see if Peter would pick up the phone. 4. Although Mandy never said a word to her, Cathy, who knew about Mandy’s involvement with Peter, suspected it was Mandy who was making the calls, and promptly had a restraining order drawn up, and served on Mandy, preventing Mandy from making any more calls. Mandy became very frightened, and stopped making the calls immediately, having a miscarriage into the bargain. 5. Now, ten years later, Peter and Mandy have finally got tied the knot and are legally married, living in their own home in Cape Town. Mandy has been working successfully as a sales executive for these last ten years, and doing very well. 6. Last year, just before they were married, Peter was diagnosed as having a malignant brain tumour. He and Mandy travelled to the UK to enable Peter to have an operation to remove the tumour. This was 85% successful, but left Peter with epilepsy. He is now on preventative medication which controls the possibility of epileptic attacks, and this medication is enabling him to lead an almost normal life style. It is not 100% (it is said to be 95%) effective, however, and although he has not had an epileptic attack for nearly 3 months, he could theoretically have one at any time. 7. According to the terms of his divorce from Cathy, Peter is entitled to have his son visit him every second weekend and to visit his son at Cathy’s home any evening he likes for a reasonable period (understood by both of them to mean not much longer than one hour). 8. Cathy is now: (a) refusing to allow Peter’s son to visit him in his (Peter’s) home because she says that as an epileptic, he maybe a danger to his son. She refuses to allow him to visit Peter in his (Peter’s) house even if there is another adult on the premises, just to be on the safe side in the very unlikely event that Peter were to have an epileptic attack. (b) refusing to allow Peter’s son to visit him in his (Peter’s) home if Mandy (Peter’s wife) is on the premises; she says Mandy is a ‘psychopath’ because 10 years ago, when Mandy was a confused and pregnant teenager, she made those calls (though never saying anything to Cathy during the calls) to Cathy. Mandy is willing to go to any psychologist of Cathy’s choice to undergo any appropriate tests to determine whether she even has any dangerous mental tendencies, let alone be a full blown psychopath. Mandy is, in fact, a very loving, empathetic young woman, who adores children and gets on very well with them. There are many, many people who would swear to that in a court of law, if it came to that. Mandy baby-sits their children often, and is in fact a qualified swimming instructor for toddlers! (c ) refusing to allow Peter to visit his son at Cathy’s home (as per the terms of the divorce agreement) if the driver of the car that transports Peter is driven by Mandy. (As an epileptic, Peter has been advised that it is safer if he does not drive a car, and thus Mandy drives him everywhere. My question is this: Does Cathy have the legal right, in the circumstances as presented to you here, to refuse to allow Peter to have his son visit him, or to visit his son, as per the terms of the divorce agreement. In other words, does she have a case? I very much appreciate your reading this, and anxiously look forward to your response. I am a friend of Peter and Mandy, and can’t stand to see the pain they are both going through due to Cathy’s attitude.
A.	I feel very sympathetic towards your friend's plight. Although they live in South Africa, this is not uncommon. Cathy is obviously very ignorant of what epilepsy actually means and I think that may be where the problem lies. It may be an idea to speak to your Husbands Doctor/Consultant to see if he would agree to talk to her about his condition, and what it would mean for contact to his son? If she is not amenable to this then your only option is to apply for a Contact Order or South African equivalent. In the UK the Court would appoint a Welfare Officer to prepare a report and would ask for a medical report and risk assesment. On that basis the Court would be able to have sufficient independent advice to make a decision which is in the best interests of the child, not the parents.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have been seperated from my wife for 3 years now .When we split up we sold the house that we had jointly mortgaged and divided all monies and belongings.We both have since bought our own houses .I have no contact with my wife .She filed for divorce approx 1 year ago but withdrew the application within weeks,giving me a feeble reason! .Last week I recived divorce papers from the courts .The hearing is on 30th october .We did not have any children and we both worked full time throughout our relationship and marriage .What I need to know is as the law stands at present can she put a claim on my present finances and pension .(I have contacted the court who informs me that no application as been made at present)Is there a time limit on her claiming any thing from me after the divorce or does this have to be done along with the divorce?
A.	From what you say she would have virtually no chance of claiming your assets, or you hers. technically she can apply for certain orders at any time, even after Decree Absolute. For peace of mind you can get what is known as a consent order drawn up by a Solicitor, which is filed after decree nisi to make a clean break.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have been separated from my husband for just over 2 years now and have completed the necessary forms to send to the court. I have asked my husband to sign the "Statement of Arrangements for Children" form and at the moment he won't. We made a verbal agreement back in June on how often he would see our son. The arrangement was he would have him at his house for the weekend (fri night till sun) every 4-6 weeks and I would get to look after him for a whole weekend during this time and the other weekends would be divided between Friday night/Saturday or Saturday night/Sunday to make it fair as my son has a music class and swimming on Saturdays. He has now decided that he wants to change the arrangement so he has him for a whole weekend every other weekend. He lives about 40 miles away and I want the existing arrangment to continue so that Thomas is at home for sometime most weekends, where he lives and where his interests and friends are. If he wont agree to this what would a court rule? Would it be likely they would go with the original verbal agreement, or would a court rule that he could go and stop with my husband every other weekend?
A.	This is quite a common situation and requires compromise from both parents. The law asks, what is in the best interests of the child on all occassions. It will want to see what kind of relationship your child should be having with his Dad and whether staying for longer periods with him will be in his long term best interests. I am afraid most of the time the Court will strive to give as much contact to Dad as would be practical, unless there is some very good reason to do so. Overnight stays every other weekend are the most common orders made and will often include holidays as well. I think you may find a Court would make an overnight staying contact order for a whole weekend, unless there was some compelling reason not to do so and I am afraid in my experience that the reasons you give may not outweigh the obvious advantages a good relationship with Dad would provide. May I suggest mediation as a way of resolving this potential dispute. Your local mediation service can be found in the telephone book or on our site in the right hand menus.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have just filed for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. We have one son and my solicitor has advised me to grant 2 days contact a week. My husband will not adhere to this and says that once he tells them what I am really like, he will probably be granted residence. If I am the one filing for the divorce on these grounds, will the court listen to his "mudslinging" and will it affect the divorce?
A.	The Court is only interested in one thing. What is in your son's best interests and mudslinging is not encouraged and usually ignored unless independent evidence suggests some truth in the allegations. His threats are unfortunately common but unrealistic and your Solicitor will no doubt agree with me on this. If you feel any more contact would be disruptive to your son then you should stick with your offer. If the matter were to go to Court, they will more than likely ask for a Court Welfare Report for some independent input. For more details see the website -The Process-Applications-Contact or use the search facility for articles and help.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have a defined contact order in place after a contetsed contact hearing. My daughter has asked if she can spend more time with me but her Mum says no. Can I apply for a variation of contact or do I have to re-apply for contact. Do I still use form C1.
A.	You need to apply using form C2 application for order in existing proceedings. I am afraid you will have to pay another Court fee which is £80.00 unless you are on low income when you can ask for exemption at the Court.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I am already divorced but am taken my ex - wife to court for contact with my son. She has made out in a statement that she was subjected to domestic violence and that I am a heavy drug user both of which are untrue, please can you advise me on what reaction this will have in court.
A.	There have been a number of court of appeal cases recently that say that where there has been a history of domestic violence, the court has to take the allegations in to account. If you deny you have been violent to your ex-wife then it will be up to her to prove that. There will no doubt be a Court Welfare Officer's Report which will have to look at the allegations. The theory that if you throw enough mud, some will stick is not always true. If your ex-wife did not obtain an injunction for instance, then you will be able to point to this lack of action as one point in your favour. It will be difficult as only you and your ex-wife know the truth and the Court will want the Welfare officer to be impartial and he/she will be the most significant factor in your case.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	can you give me any advice on what to do and say to a court welfare officer. I have a meeting next week.
A.	Katie will be answering your substantive question, but I can I feel assist you. You have said that you have looked after the girls for the majority of their lives. You therefore have the advantage of being the main carer, the one who takes and collects from school, takes them out, gets their tea etc. You must emphasise the positive aspects of your care for the girls and avoid negative comments about your wife. Tell the CWO about the day to day things you do for them like feeding them, reading stories, doing their homework with them, and if you have attended sports days or school parent evenings without your wife let them know. If you impress upon the CWO that you are the main carer then they are unlikely to upset the status quo as it would not be in the girl's best interests. Keep calm and focus on the positive. Good luck.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	I have a son, who is nearly 4, his mother refused to put my name on the birth certificate, although it is quite obvious he is my son. We spent almost five years together, before we finally split up at the start of August 2000. She has blocked my access to my son, through visitation rights. Can the courts make her give my son a blood test, change his surname to mine and general help on custodial rights. I would greatly appreciate your help in these matters.
A.	You need to apply for a Parental responsibilty Order and contact order to your son. Being on the birth certificate does not matter, the length of time you were with her and your son is indication enough that you have a good case. If she disputes paternity then the court can order blood tests from you her and your son. If she refuses a court can infer paternity. The form you will need is a C1 and this can be obtained from the Court. The fee is £80.00 to issue and you are welcome to e-mail us to go through the questions.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	My divorce is final and my ex lives in another state, we have been arranging visitation by air plane, we alternate the payment of our son's ticket and we each pay for our own ticket. Well my ex has lost his job so I'm not recieving any child support, my question is, do I still have to pay for these visitations if he isn't paying child support?
A.	The question should be will my son lose out if he cannot visit his father, not who pays for the visit. I realise that it will be hard if you are not getting child support but it is what is best for your son that should matter and if he enjoys staying with his Dad then you should do what is right in the circumstances if you can afford to do so.
Answered by: Mark Keenan, Editor, Divorce-Online
Q.	Does my sister have the right to a contact number when her ex-husband has their children for the weekend? There is no Court Order in place for access, can she withold access until she has a contact number?
A.	Your sister has the right to be informed of an emergency number to contact and a court would order such a number be given. As there are no orders in place she does have the right to make it a condition or stop contact pending a hearing of an application by the ex-husband to restore contact. However to avoid litigating this one point, a compromise could be suggested whereby whereby she promises only to use the telephone number in emergencies
Answered by: Katie Went, Solicitor, Bower & Bailey
Q.	I split up with my partner of 8 years about 2 weeks ago. Since then he has seen our 4 children every day. I would like to change this to every other day as when he sees the children (about 45 min visit) one child in particular becomes very upset when he leaves. When he is not in the home the children appear to be coping very well and show no signs of obvious seperation distress. My ex partner is being difficult about my every other day suggestion and is also causing me distress as he keeps trying to find reasons to question my parenting of the children. What can I do for the best for the children ? I would welcome any advice Many thanks
A.	You need for everybody's sake to establish a routine. It is not usual for contact to take place every day as it sends the wrong messages to the children that you appear to be together. It may be the case that your ex partner has no where to take the children and therefore must see them at the former joint home, you also do not give the ages of the children. This issue is one, which depends very much on the facts of each case. A lot will depend on the relationship between you and your ex. I would suggest that if you are still talking you consider a local mediation service. Some services also offer counselling for children coming to terms with their parents separating. This most important factor to bear in mind is to establish a routine that all are happy with. This includes the children. This enables them to continue a relationship with their father, that is important and it provides stability for them at this difficult time.
Answered by: Katie Went, Solicitor, Bower & Bailey
Q.	Iam divorced. My 8 year old son lives with his mother and her new husband in the Midlands. I live in North Yorkshire. I am currently on income support and incapacity benefit so I have limited income. I have contact with my son in the school holidays, usually from the Sunday through to the Saturday (twice in the Summer - she refuses to let me have him for two consecutive weeks). There is no contact order. Basically we are working on contact principles agreed through a Court Welfare Officer. Previous to her remarriage, my ex-wife shared the travelling or cost of travelling. She now refuses to do so, even though the Court Welfare Officer recommended that it should be shared. I am really struggling on this as each round trip costs me £50. As I only get about £70 pw income out of which I have to pay for food, fuel, debts etc. I can barely manage. I do not pay maintenance as I have so little income. Do I have any redress here? She has a well-paid job, as does her husband, company car and as far as I know company petrol. I have even suggested that if travelling time is a problem (due to her work commitments) then I don't mind the driving, although my car is old, as long as she shares the petrol. She has refused. Also, she refuses to contribute any money to Michael's upkeep when he is with me(she sometimes send up a couple of packs of biscuits or the like - no exaggeration) and hardly ever gives him pocket money. So there are definitely no treats for him (she says he will have to learn to live without them whilst he is with me), but more importantly just subsisting is well-nigh impossible. Presumably she recieves some form of state benefit for my son (she also has a second child by her new husband)which is not used "on him" when he spends his weeks with me. Some time ago Social Security told me that I should come to an arrangement with her so that she contributed to Michaels upkeep out of it when he is with me, but she just laughed in my face. Again, any redress? I have been told that I should be able to claim for my son as a dependant when he is with me for a week? Is this true? Social security have not advised me of this (This was last year when I had to apply for a social fund loan to get by.) Your help would be appreciated, especially as Michael is with me n just over a weeks time.As it stands, I really do not know if i will be able to collect him and keep him, but if I do not she will no doubt use it against me, sying that I turned down contact. Incidentally, planning financially for contact has been difficult this time as she only confirmed the dates yesterday, having brought them forward which has made it even harder. Thank you in anticipation. Steve Ellis
A.	Sofaras contact arrangements are concerned the Court has no jurisdiction to order a party to contribute to travelling costs. Therefore it would be difficult for you to pursue this avenue through the Court. On the issue of the child benefit unless your ex wife agrees to pay you it whilst your son is with you I know of no option of getting this from the Benefits Agency. Whether you can claim for your son when he is with you is a matter for you to take up with the Benefits Agency. It is unlikely that your wife will be made to pay you any maintenance as your son is not with you for long enough. (Perhaps DOL CSA expert can help here) Sorry I cannot help more but it is a difficult situation when one person refuses to co-operate with contact and be accommodating.
Answered by: Katie Went, Solicitor, Bower & Bailey
Q.	My wife who left 2 months ago has finally admitted she is seeing someone else. I have already instructed a solicitor on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Is there any advantage (financially, maintenance wise etc)in my changing this to adultery other than to make me feel better? Would she have to agree to this? If she does not (which I suspect will be the case)can I do it anyway? Does he have to be named ? Is there any way I can prevent him having contact with my daughter ? Why is my wife classed as the parent having day to day care if we are sharing her time equally between us? We will both be looking after her for more than 104 nights a year. Thanks
A.	Sofaras the divorce is concerned, it is really a personal decision as to whether you proceed with adultery or unreasonable behaviour. In the past the Courts would take into account behaviour or adultery when considering financial settlements, nowadays this is very rare. The practice is to keep the divorce separate from the financial matters. Bear in mind however if you petition for unreasonable behaviour and your wife does not return the acknowledgement then you can still proceed with the divorce if you can prove service of the papers, (this can be done through the Court bailiff). If however you petition on her adultery this must be admitted and if she therefore fails to return the acknowledgement you will not be able to proceed smoothly. The adultery will have to be proved if it is not admitted. Sofaras naming the Co-Respondent is concerned, this once again is a personal decision. The Solicitors Family Law Association (of which I am a member) promotes a non-confrontational approach to divorce and therefore would suggest that it doe snot assist matters to name a third party. It is however a personal decision. Sometimes it can hold up the divorce if they do not return the paperwork, (acknowledgement) It is unlikely that you can prevent a 'new partner' having contact with a child, unless of course they are a danger to them. One would hope that you and your wife would deal with the introduction of new partners appropriately and at a pace which meets the child's needs. Care and control is a difficult issue. Clearly one parent has to be classed as having it for CSA purposes. One of the factors to consider is who receives the Child Benefit. This is something which the CSA helpline (or DOL expert) can help you on further.
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